Infidelity

     This is about being 'in love' and is addressed to heterosexual males, of which I am one.  The subject is important and practical, because most people have had or will have the experience of being in love, or think they have.  While directly addressing males this applies to females also, and equally. 

     When a man falls in love with a girl (and all women are 'girls' when you're in love with them) what is it like and how is it distinguished from lust?  The test is this; ironically, if you are 'in love' you think very little about sex.  That's not what you want.  You want the girl, not something she can give you or withhold from you.  You are in love if you can say "I would rather be miserable with her than happy without her".  You can confuse lust and love but they are quite different.  The way to distinguish love from lust is to think honestly about what it is that you really want.  That should give you the answer without trying very hard.

     And here's the danger, in either case, when you try to fool yourself into thinking that you are motivated by something high-minded.  You may let your imagination run away with you.  If the object of your affection is married to someone else, or if you are, you are likely to think that there's something almost spiritual about your emotion.  That's when you tell yourself, and then others, such nonsense as "We didn't want "it" to happen, as if you were considering something coming at you from somewhere else, something you could not avoid, not your fault or responsibility.  "We didn't plan it.  We were just good friends and just wanted to have lunch together and reminisce about old times" --- and all that garbage, for that's what it is.  The only reasonable and honorable course you can take is to put it aside.  If you don't, it will lead to something else, and much worse than you imagine.  Infidelity produces misery beyond measure, not only for the immediate victims but their families, their friends, frequently their employers, and everyone else who is touched by it.

     Don't let it start.  No, you are not "just friends".  No, you did not "just have lunch" or "just talk" about football, or the weather or anything else.  You did not "just" happen to run into each other in the mall.  It was planned, consciously or sub-consciously.  Turn around and walk the other way.  Forget about a lunch date, for that's what it is, a date, whether you call it that or not.  If you have already made the date, cancel it.  This is the only decent, honorable path you can take.  Never make the fatal mistake of assuming that you can resist temptation.  You can't.